Meditation and action

Meditation and action

(13 August 1991)

 

These verses are from the Bhagavad Gita: “He sees, who sees the Lord standing equally existent in all the beings, the undying in the dying.”  “He who sees the Lord standing the same, kills not the Self by self, so he attains the highest goal.” The third verse is, “Not by much learning, not by a brilliant intellect, not by hearing many things, is the Lord within realized.”   “He who seeks Him alone, to him the Lord reveals himself as his Self.” That is from Upanishad called the Mundaka.

The first thing to say is that, although there’s a tradition of learning in the Vedanta schools, they don’t depend on much learning, as you heard in the verse, “Not by much learning, not by a brilliant intellect, not by hearing many things…”   “Oh, why then have the study of philosophy? Why spend 17 or 18 years translating texts from the Sanskrit?” One thing which I can speak of from personal experience is that it keeps you out of mischief. Think of all the harm I might have done in those 17 or 18 years, which I didn’t do because I hadn’t got the time.  I’d like to have done a lot of harm, probably, but couldn’t manage it – but this is not the main point.

The main point is this, that if we don’t study a little of the outlines of one of the great traditional religious philosophies, then we begin, not to have no philosophy, but to invent our own. We begin to become fatalists.  “Oh, if it’s going to happen, it will happen.” “Things always go wrong for me.”  “Well, there are lucky days and unlucky days.  If it’s an unlucky day, it’s no use trying to do anything.  If it’s a lucky day, there’s no need to try, is there? Because it’ll go well, anyway.”

In this way, we paralyze ourselves with self-invented philosophies. For this reason, the teachers recommend us to study the outline of one of the traditional philosophies; and to know well, one short text, like the Bhagavad Gita, or the fourth gospel, about the same length. Then we will have an inner resource in a time of great trouble, or great temptation, or of great fear.

I just want to outline some of the points of the basic philosophy and attitude to life.  This philosophy is not meant to be something theoretical that you just say and then when you finished it, you go and turn on the television and forget all about it.  “Follow the shastra, follow the great tradition.” We think, “No, I’ll work it out for myself. Why not? I’ll use my own judgment. Why should I follow old texts?”   We’re taught in studying to think clearly, but this is not clear thinking. We should search in our own personal experience for the application of these things.

I’ll give an example from my own personal experience from chess. I was quite keen on chess when I was a student, anything was better than studying law. I got quite good and I studied the theory which, when I was young, had been analysed by masters who’d given their whole lives to it for about 100 years. I knew the theory of the openings. When I went to Germany, I used to play chess regularly against very keen player. He was probably a better player than I was, but he hadn’t studied the theory.

So when we played the game, he was playing out of his own head. I was playing out of the heads of the great masters of the last 100 years. I could always get a superior position. I knew it was superior, I knew it was a winning position.  But because he hadn’t studied the theory he couldn’t, in that short five minutes of thinking, work out what it had taken them 100 years to work out.  I used to say, “Edgar, it’s gone.” He’d say, “What? No.”  When he’d lose, he’d say, “No, I know my mistake. I just went wrong there.  I just went wrong there.”  We’d play again, but it was the same thing, he’d lose again.

If we study what has been worked out by the experiments of the yogis of the past; by the classical yogis who dictated the texts, confirmed in the subsequent centuries by experts who have practised these methods, then we start with an advantage.

But it’s no use stopping there.  I have seen chess players who simply studied the openings. They would play for twenty moves brilliantly because they were playing the moves that they’d studied, the moves that the masters had worked out.  But then it would come to an end, of course, and he would start to play with his own head, and it was terrible. We must not merely study and get to know the outline of the texts, but we must also come to understand them and then we must put them into our practice of life.

Now, the yoga is meant not for trivialities of life. It’s meant for when I suffer a severe accident and lose an arm. It’s meant for when my daughter goes on the hard drugs, when my son joins a criminal gang, when I’m going to be thrown out of my house, when perhaps I’m going to become a refugee. It’s for these occasions that we study yoga. A modern yogi with a sense of humour used to say, “It’s no use studying swimming when the ship is going down. You should have studied long ago and learned to swim before you got on the ship.”  In the same way, he said, “Now while circumstances are favourable, practise meditation enough to gain a certain independence of the world.  Then when the crisis comes, that will come to you.

It must have strength. We can have theories and believe in them, but they have no strength. For instance, there are people who are frightened of travelling by air. You can show them the figures, that they’ve got about the same chance of being killed in an air accident as they have of being struck by lightning.  But they don’t worry, when they go out and it’s raining, that they’re going to be killed by lightning. They never think of it.  They will accept it when they’re shown the figures; they’ll accept it theoretically, but it has no strength. They still can’t get on the aircraft.

But if they think it right through, spend an afternoon thinking through what it actually means, what these risks are, then it will have strength.  Then they will be able to travel by air when it’s necessary without this feeling, “Oh, something’s going to happen.”

The outline of the general conduct in daily life is one of the important bases on which to practise meditation. Unless our conduct is reasonably in accordance with what we shall discover in meditation, then it’ll be difficult to go into meditation. There are four principles which to westerners are rather surprising. The first one is friendliness, the second one, compassion, the third one, a sort of cheerfulness at other people’s good fortune, which is rated a very high virtue and the fourth one is to overlook, to become indifferent, to what is bad and what is wrong.

Now, looking at them in turn: Maitri means friendliness, not friendship. If I’m a friend with someone, I must take their side even if they are wrong.  Friendliness is not that, it’s friendliness to all. To be friendly, but not to be committed to my friend, right or wrong, my country, right or wrong, my family right or wrong. To be able to see that there’s something higher.  One example that’s given is this: [friendship is like] two rigid hooks, locked together and if you are a friend your mind is like a rigid hook in a particular relationship, and you can be caught and drawn away. But if your mind is loose and flexible, then although the other will try to draw, it won’t succeed.

It is to be friendly, without committing ourselves to something which is transient and passing and unreliable in the world.  From the opening verse, it said, “He sees who sees the Lord standing equally in all the beings.” The Lord is wearing, so to say, different masks, different makeup. If we commit ourselves to the masks, the masks will change. We shall be bitterly disappointed, but if we can see through the masks to see something divine standing there – see that, not infer it, not guess it, not hope for it, not have faith that it’s there, but to see – then the relationship will be with the divinity, which is in the person, not to the changing personality.

To give an example: you can say, “How can you say this? Supposing someone’s like a wild beast, how can you say there’s a divinity there?” Here again, we must examine our own experience very carefully. These things are not meant to be theoretical concepts. They are truths and if they are truths, they can be found and will be found in our daily experience.

This is one of my own: in tropical countries, in India for instance, especially a good time ago, high fevers were common and people sometimes had delirium.  Some people, and it depends on circumstances, can be like wild beasts, because they think they are being (as far as you can make out) attacked by enemies or by wild beasts and they are fighting for their lives.  Now, having some [Judo] technique you are told, “You’ve got to go and subdue the chap and get him back to bed” where he is more-or-less tied up with a bedsheet across him. Then they can [administer some drugs safely].

Well, the face is glaring eyes and distorted with hate and fear. It’s lashing out and it catches you. It’s not easy to avoid these things completely. You can avoid if you have some skills to some extent, but when that happens, you feel a flash of hatred and fury. Then you look and, behind that distorted mask of hate and fear, you can see the features of the man you know – your friend, as he was when he’s not in a fever. You can see the noble human being inside the wild beast.  That takes away the momentary flash of anger and rage, and you don’t go for him as you could.

I just give this as an example that it is possible, as it says, to see the divine standing in the beings. It’s not the external personality which is now functioning. There’s something deeper behind that, which is often momentarily or temporarily, for quite a time, obscured. It’s possible to train to see it a little bit. When it’s seen a little bit, then there’s a conviction that it is there. Then there’s an impulse to try to see more and to behave – you are not giving way to the wild beast, but you are serving the human being when you subdue him and he’s fighting like mad.  When you subdue him and hold him down to those sheets, you are serving a noble human being, although you are subduing the temporary wild beast.

This is an example, but the teachers say through meditation and through examining our experience of life, we can come to the realization that this is possible. Then through the meditation, we can begin to develop a faculty by which this can be, at any rate, momentarily seen. This first one, Maitri, is a friendliness towards the divine in people, not a friendship towards their surface personality.

The second one is Karuna, which means something like sympathy or compassion.  We would normally say this is the impulse to do some good to people, but in the morality of most of the Eastern systems, less stress is placed on this than on purifying the heart and not being hostile to people. They think that most of the woes of the human world and human life are caused by hostility of human beings to each other, not by natural catastrophes or by accidents. Those can be relatively easily met – a  famine or failure of the monsoon is a famine, and it can be relatively easily met.

But when there’s a perpetual civil war in the area, and we are trying to do good by bringing in the food, it’s a temporary and local good. A few people get fed, but mostly the warring sides grab it and the war goes on. If something can be done to reduce the cause of the civil war, then the problem can be really solved. Without that, unless we purify our own minds, as it said, we’re doing good with boxing gloves.

Imagine yourself with boxing gloves on trying to work in the kitchen or in the house. You can just about manage to do a few things, but all the time you’ve got no delicacy or sensitivity, and the boxing gloves keep knocking things over and getting in the way. Imagine trying to play the piano in boxing gloves or to cook a meal in boxing gloves.  They say we have boxing gloves of hate and love, sticking attachment, and therefore, we can’t act efficiently. “It’s quite clear to me that, in a certain situation,  this little group of us, he will be the best man to do it, but I don’t like him.  No, we won’t let him.  [Someone else] can do it just as well.”  In this sort of boxing gloves, there’s no sensitivity to the true needs of the situation at all. I want to hit something with my boxing gloves on, and even when I try to help, I knock things over.

The first thing is to begin to purify our own instrument, our own mind. Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, she was rather sentimental and a saint in France in the last century. She wrote in her diary that there was a nun in their convent who had got a bitter tongue and nobody liked her. Saint Thérèse didn’t like her either, but she thought it was wrong.  She thought, “I’m going to make a special attempt now to be particularly nice and helpful and kind to her,” so she did that. She reports that after three months or so that nun said to her, “You know, I think you’re the only friend that I’ve got in the whole convent. You’re so nice, you’re so kind to me you must like me a lot.”

A pupil of a yoga teacher read this and said to the yoga teacher, “There’s a woman in our office who’s just like that. Nobody likes her. She’s got a bitter tongue.  She’s awful and hates us spitefully sometimes, but I’m going to try this.”  The teacher said, “It’s much better if you try to purify your own feelings, your own instruments, first, before you try to do this sort of good.”  The pupil said, “No. It must be alright. I’ll try. I’m going to try.”  So, she tried and after three months she reported to the teacher. She said, “Well, it worked. I made a special attempt to be particularly nice and kind and friendly to her. She said to me, ‘I think you’re the only friend I’ve got.  You must like me a lot to be so kind and so helpful to me.”

The teacher said, “What about your own feelings?” The pupil said, “Well, you know, in an office, of course, it’s a bit limited. You only see parts of people, certain aspects of people but through this, I’ve got to know her really well.” She said, “When we began, I didn’t like her at all. Now I simply hate her.”  The teacher said, “Until you purify your own mind before you try and do this sort of good, it won’t be very effective.”

The boxing gloves can be boxing gloves of the tongue. Mother Teresa of Calcutta makes this point.  She says, “A wound with a sword even if it’s deep, if it’s washed and then it’s bandaged and it’s protected, it will heal in time.  But the wounds left by a venomous tongue, only the grace of God can heal – because the victim is always opening them up. ‘Oh, well, they said that and that…’”

I used that as example of Mudita, the being able to not interfere but be glad at the success of other people – not always trying to be putting a spoke in that wheel, or trying to run them down, or feeling jealous of them. They say this is much more difficult than it is to be kind to people, because when you’re kind to people, you’re in a position of superiority.  “I’m going to help you, so I’m in a higher position.”  And spiritually, that’s not necessarily a great virtue.  Of course, it’s good but just the same it’s the satisfaction of, “I’m scattering…  How much good am I doing? I don’t know.”

“Is it good to feed the villains? I’m as good as gold when I’m starving, absolutely starving. Just asking for a crust of bread, sir, that’s all I’m asking for. I’ll share it. There are others here, they’re worse off than I am. There’s one that can’t walk, can’t walk to beg.  I’ll share it. I’m as good as gold [when you give me it], but the moment I’m well fed, ‘Ha ha’; then I’ve started to kick people around and push them out of the way and grab their rations.” Have you done good? We don’t know. It isn’t automatically good.

We need to purge ourselves, to free ourselves from feelings of resentment and spite and a desire to put a spoke in the wheel and to run things and people down.  If we can prevent that, this is regarded as the main virtue that’s needed in society. I just mentioned this, it’s often a surprise to Western people who don’t always agree with it, but it might be worth considering our own experience. I’ve done social service for about twelve years.  At the end of it, the good you’ve done is that people will come back after twelve, fifteen or twenty years and say, “Well, I left school at fourteen or fifteen and it gave me a lift and an impulse at that place. I went back to study, which I’d never been interested in, and I’ve got on.”  And, well, one of them went on and got a first-class honours at London University.

That, you can say, has done some good, because it’s given him choice.  But, in general, you can improve the condition of people and it will fall back again when you stop. Unless something can be awakened in them, it won’t be of lasting benefit. The yoga morality believes that the most important thing is to help people to awaken this divine element in them. It’s not to make things more comfortable necessarily for the personality, although it’s a good thing to do to relieve the immediate wants.

“He sees who sees the Lord.” It has to be an actual vision.  You know the system of meditation – to sit still in a roughly balanced position and then as the thoughts come up to let them go. One teacher said, “Don’t shake hands with the thoughts when they come up.  ‘Not wanted’.”  “Oh, she said to me the other…”: Not wanted. “I could have got a good one.” No, no. “It might be a chance…” Don’t shake hands with them. “It might be a chance to pull off something good if I…” Then you start shaking hands with them and making a scenario, and the meditation is interrupted.

It’s worth doing, to have the experience, of getting up early, before dawn – and to find a hill where you can see the sunrise.  Collect a cloth full of pebbles and sit there before the sun has come up.  Now the thoughts come up and as they come up, one by one, throw them away, throw each thought with a pebble. Take a pebble in your hand. “It might be a chance of…” – throw it.  “Supposing this…” – throw it.  “I don’t know what I’d if…” – throw it.  Gradually the thoughts will become less and less.

Well, this is worth experimenting, and then it can be practised at home – to sit, shut or half-shut the eyes and, as the thoughts come up, mentally throw them down the hill. Then, as the sun comes up, the teacher says the sun will come up inside and there’ll be a vision: “I see”. These things are established in calm and purity just like any scientific principle. If you want to establish the principle of gravity, it’s no use going out and looking at the leaves in the autumn gale. Gravity is at work there, but you can’t see it clearly.  You have to go into the laboratory where a bit of paper and a bit of lead can be seen to fall at the same time in a perfect vacuum.

The principle is established in these very pure, calm and quiet conditions, and then it can be recognized. Then we can recognize that the wind is taking the leaves up, and as the gust of wind stops, the leaves begin to come down with gravity. We can recognize the gravity there. If we begin by trying to see it, we won’t see it. It has to be first seen in very calm and pure state of the mind; then it can be seen, just a glimpse. Once it’s seen there, it can be seen in the external world.

The teacher says, “You become aware of the currents, the inner currents of life. There is a divine, inner current of life. By practising meditation, we can become aware of it and our actions will begin to conform to the inner currents of life.” If you look at a map, say, of the Pacific Ocean you think, “I want to get from Japan down to Australia.”  Well, you know about the great circle, you draw the curve and you think, “Oh, that will be the easiest route.” It seems simple enough.  But there’s an immense current called the Black Tide, the Japanese call it ‘Kuroshio’, which can go as fast as ten feet in a second.  That’s not shown on the map when we plan the journey, so we don’t know about that.

If we go and try and make that journey against that tide, we won’t have any success. If we become aware of the inner currents, from someone who knows, or by going there and looking ourselves, then we should be able to go around it. In the same way in the meditation, it lays a foundation for actions which will be in accord with the inner current. Otherwise, our actions, although well-planned and well-reasoned and seem to be very good, they’re not effective.  They’re very often not effective and if they are effective, it’s not the effect we expected.  But if they’re in accordance with the inner current then, although the actions may seem very weak and feeble, the current will take them forward and they will become effective.

I’ll give one or two examples. The divine current is obscured by the little personal currents on the surface. When we perform an action, we should practise performing it without the personal currents of liking, or disliking, or planning.  Supposing I’m going to scrub the floor. Now, while I’m scrubbing here, I’m thinking, “Well, I’ll do this today. Go right up to there, and then tomorrow…”  “Will they say it alright, or will they come in with muddy boots on the moment I finish? Yes, that always happens to me, but never mind…” and he’s scrubbing away. “These lazy so-and-so’s, poring over their books, think they’re superior and I’m doing the real work.”

All those things are little personal currents, and they affect the efficiency of the movement. Consult your own experience. If you’re typing or writing a letter and someone comes and stands over you, you don’t see who it is. It’s just somebody coming and standing there. Immediately the efficiency is affected, isn’t it? Because you think, “Who’s that? Is that the boss, or is it that blasted snoop trying to peer at what I’m doing. Should I stop?”

Immediately there are many currents set up. In the same way, we provide internal watchers and snoopers and critics and applauders.  We need to be able to move the hand and best to have a scrubbing brush in each hand. We don’t do that in this country, but it’s best when you get this effect, a [two-handed] isometric effect. Simply to do this, not thinking how much I’ve got to do, how much longer it’ll take, how long I’ve already been here, and whether I’ll have to do it tomorrow or finish the whole thing in a week. Then the action becomes pure, it becomes light and, in some sense, enjoyable.

If we examine our own experience, we’ll see that the set of our mind changes the experience. A man who had a very small income went to live (in those days it was cheap) in a little village in Italy, where he could live just on his income. He hated it there because he had to skimp and save.  It was awful. He knew all the people and they were all awful.  Then by an extraordinary chance, a remote cousin died and all the intervening relatives had died and he came into a lot of money.  He got athis telegram, which said, “We won’t be able to send you anything for about a month, but this is just to let you know it’ll be coming.”

He said in his memoir that he went out and the whole village was changed, it looked lovely and the people looked awfully nice – because the set of his mind was different.  He no longer felt imprisoned.  I hope none of you have had the experience, but if you’re in a room, you could stay in the room the whole morning quite happily, if you’ve got something to do.  But if somebody has turned the key and locked you in, even though it was only going to be for the morning, the fact that you’re locked in changes the whole thing and you’ve got this imprisoned feeling.

These are examples, and if we examine our own experience, we can find that the nature of the experience can be changed by the set of our mind. This doesn’t solve the central problem, which is that our limited personality will never be completely comfortable and at rest, because it’s changing all the time. “He sees who sees the same Lord standing equally in all the beings, the undying in the dying.” This is dying. Everything is dying. My thoughts are dying – as I think them, they die. The body is dying. All the plans are dying. The experiences are dying. The relationships are dying. It’s all dying.

But there’s something which stands undying in the dying. “He sees who sees the same Lord standing, undying in the dying.” The Gita says these are clothes. “As a man casts off the worn-out clothes, puts on others that are new, so the divine Self casts off the worn-out bodies, puts on others that are new.” You think, “How do they know? Anyone can say that.” Now, to experience immortality in this very life, even for a second, will change the whole basis of our living. When the thoughts become calm, they become slow.

When our actions in daily life are no longer in boxing gloves, but they’re precise, they’re calm and they’re pure – pure of personal ambitions and hates and likes – then the mind will become even and bright. Then between the thoughts, between the clouds, so to speak, we should catch a glimpse of the blue sky. The sky, the Self seems to move – as I go, my Self seems to go. The teacher explains, “When you’re a small child, you see a clouded sky with a little patch of blue; then you see that patch of blue moving.  You see it move but that’s not the truth of it. The truth is, sky is everywhere. It’s only the clouds have covered it.”

As the clouds get less and the clouds move, the sky seems to move – but it doesn’t move. In the same way, as the clouds of the body and the mind seem to move and move, the Self seems to move – but it doesn’t move.  “He sees the same – undying in the dying.”

“He who sees the same, he does not kill the Self by the self.” Killing the Self means to overlook, not to see, to turn one’s back on the divine Self and to identify oneself, “I am this limited self.” In the same way with the other people, to kill the Self in them means only to treat with their limited personality and individuality and not to see the divine Self in them. We can say, “What effect will all these have? It’ll probably make a few individuals a bit more amiable perhaps, but the restrictions will remain.”

But it isn’t so. If I have my right arm cut off, I’m restricted to the left arm.  Ravel wrote a piano work for the left hand only. He wrote it for a French pianist who had lost an arm. When that French pianist plays the piece, he’s restricted. He’s only got one arm but pianists with both arms also play this piece.  It’s a technical feat with the left hand which some pianists go in for. Apart from the musical value of the piece, it’s technically a very good study. Now when a pianist plays it, he’s not using the right hand. He’s restricted in a way because he’s only using the left hand – he mustn’t use the right hand.  But he’s not restricted – he’s restricted, but not restricted. He’s voluntarily restricted.

If he practises the yoga, he will see that these restrictions, which we have, are taken on by the divine Self.  It passes through the different stages of life and, as it becomes conscious, it becomes able to help bring out the divine consciousness in other people. This is the most important thing. We can still say, “Well, after all, what effect will it have?” The yoga teachers explain that those whose actions and whose consciousness come into the divine current, their actions are entirely different from the actions of the ordinary man, which are indeed very limited and their effect will soon be lost.

To give a dramatic example, St. Francis wrote the famous canticle of creative beings. It’s called the Canticle of the Sun. This is the first poem written in anything that could be called Italian. It’s written actually in the Umbrian dialect; there was no Italian at the time, but the main dialect was Umbrian. Educated people spoke French there. It’s still the greatest poem probably that’s written in anything to be called Italian. But when it’s analysed, the poetic technique is very poor.

At the time, it was important to scan, it was important to run. Most of the lines don’t scan and they only run by chance.  But the divine inspiration behind it has made it one of the acknowledged masterpieces of literature, although it’s so bad technically. St. Francis wrote this. He was not a particularly highly educated man. He used to call himself God’s Jongleur, which means a busker really, we would say – it’s not a high-class word at all. He wrote this and it’s had enormous effect.

There is another prayer called ‘The Prayer of St. Francis’. It’s very famous.

“Oh Lord, make me an instrument of thy grace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope.”

We know this. There are two more verses. It was quoted as a matter of fact by the British prime minister not many years ago. It’s called the Prayer of St. Francis. Who but Francis could have written this? Well, somebody other than Francis did write it. There is no Italian original of it, no Umbrian original of it at all.  It first appeared in a magazine in France opposite a reproduction of one of the portraits of St. Francis. It’s not known who wrote it. Everybody assumed somehow that it must have been written by him.

It must have been written as a matter of fact by an editor or a sub-editor of the French magazine, very likely a woman – completely , unknown. There was this inspiration which came to her and filled these words. They appeared in this magazine and suddenly they became a blaze. This is in the books of quotations. It’s had enormous effect – these three little verses by a completely unknown author – because it was in the divine current and it’s regarded now as a great masterpiece.

If we consult our own experience, we shall be able to see such cases. My teacher recommended reading biography. He said, “If you do it, you will be able to see the effects of the divine current. The normal, natural activities of man fade away. They may be backed with enormous force, as happened with these great dictatorships recently, but they fade and they leave only disaster behind.” These inspirations which can come through, what used to be called, “humble people” come through the divine elements standing in each person.  He said, “They catch the divine current, and they will go forward.”

People often say meditation is an escape from life, and you should plunge yourself into life. They’re mostly rotten at it – these famous ‘life-plungers’ are not very good at it and their lives are frequently very unsatisfactory and disastrous. People who meditate, in general, are more successful and more calm and much happier in everyday life. They don’t do it for that purpose, but it’s one of the effects.

Very often, the instrument through which the inspiration comes is imperfect or badly trained.  Sometimes there’s considerable struggle, and the expression of the inspiration, is very imperfect. This is one of the reasons why these disciplines, like friendliness and especially this not wearing boxing gloves and not being aggressive, either with the tongue or with the boxing gloves, is rather important. Otherwise, the inspiration comes through some of these things and they still appear.  The inspiration struggles to express itself perfectly, but quite often the instrument does make it a struggle.

There are people you may go to see.  You don’t exchange a single word and they don’t move.  You make your bow and then you come away after a few minutes. But when you come away, you find you’re able to face things that one’s been afraid of. You’ve got the energy to do things that one’s been shirking. You’re able to carry through things that one tended to get tired of or lack the ‘go’. Without any word at all, sometimes, there can be this communication – but as a rule, it’s through some kind of expression like words or thoughts.

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