Egoism or Pride

Two women disciples used to go every week together to a woman teacher for whom they had a great respect. They noticed that at the end of the interview she generally said something about egoism and pride, just a few words. One day, coming away, one of them said to the other, “You know, extraordinary she always says that.” The other one said, “I take it and I examine myself afterwards. I generally find something in the way of egoism or pride, and I try to make some alteration.”

The first one said, “Well, of course, you must speak for yourself. I have nothing to say about that. But me, now, I do all that work for the temple. I never ask for any thanks for it. Don’t get any, either. I never call attention to it, don’t show myself off. I’m famous for keeping in the background. How could I be accused of egoism?”

My doctor, when I see him regularly, he gives his little sermon, a usual thing: “You’ve been very athletic. You’ve got a huge appetite. Now you don’t do so much violent athletics, so you must reduce the amount of food.” It’s the same sort of thing: self-evident truths which somehow have nothing to do with me. Then I think, “Amen, amen. Here is the second lesson.” He likes to talk a little bit afterwards, and he was telling me about sometimes he gets patients who are alcoholics. He said, “You know, they look very well, sometimes, amazingly vigorous.” He said, “I tell them, ‘There’s something coming, you know.’ They won’t listen. I tell them, try to tell them, in all sorts of various ways. ‘No,’ they say, ‘It won’t make any difference.’ I’m sitting there, thinking, “Well, if people won’t be told, they must just put up with it. That’s all. Write them off, no use.”

Then I suddenly think, “Why is he telling me this? I’m not an alcoholic. I hardly ever drink, but I am a cholesterolic.” There’s an application to ourselves, which is quite difficult to make, sometimes. This is the first point: that the words are dead, and the scriptures are dead, and the forms are dead until they’re taken into ourselves. Then they can be made to live. Then they’ll come to life.

Now, about the form, which is an important point for people training in anything, and most of the examples of training are taken from judo, where I’ve both trained under one of the old school and also I’ve taught. There are two styles. One is to learn the correct form at the beginning. Whatever you do, do it in the correct form. If you learn a language, learn correct sentences from the very beginning. That means you’re going to be very laboured and slow. You’ve got to form a correct sentence. Then you say it much too late. You’re always too late in the conversation, but at least your sentences are correct.

The other style is to get out among the people and learn it from the people. That sounds alright, too, except that then, on some formal occasion when you’re making a little address of thanks, you say, “Well, we was going along and, cor blimey, I can’t tell you.” If you just learn it from the people, you have no discrimination. You have to have both sides. You have to get correct form, and also you have to have a free play.

Some people say, “If you practise the form enough, that form will become natural to you.” In judo we bow at the beginning of a contest, to each other, and sometimes I try and calculate, with some of the other judo men, how many times we’ve done this bow right on the ground. It’s difficult to calculate, but it’s something between a quarter and half a million. There are ways of bowing. You can glare at the man, like that and then just… That’s just a form. Maybe, without that form, we’d be even worse than we are now, but it’s just a form. Still, it may, in the end, have some effect – but a blind imitation and the pride in that imitation, there’s no life in it. Very often, one imitates things that are easy to imitate. One just doesn’t understand.

Titles in this series are:

Part 1: Collected Stories

Part 2: Egoism or Pride

Part 3: Christianity was put down in Japan

Part 4: Fifty-two stages of Buddhism

Part 5: You are caught in technique

Part 6: I have nothing

Part 7: Advance in emptiness